A Eulogy for Matty

 

6/11/2023

When a person is gone they live on mostly through the stories we tell about them, so I’m going to tell some stories about Matty, and I hope some of you will share your stories as well. Matty was my best friend, my constant companion, my collaborator, my son, and my daughter. Matty and I shared a hive-mind and if you don’t know what that means, it’s OK, Matty would have. Matty and I almost always knew what each other was thinking, Matty always got my jokes, we shared the same sense of humor, if I came up with an idea Matty was always quick to build on it. Matty shared my love for fantasy and science fiction. I could always count on Matty to be my partner whether it was for skiing, gaming, biking, hiking, inner-tubing, dancing, or canoeing.

If anyone asks me the best day of my life, the answer is easy; the day Matty was born, even though it was fraught with difficulty and trauma. That was one of the first times Matty surprised us, arriving two months premature. Laurie’s doctor said Matty had to be delivered. Matty was born via C-section on November 8, 1993. I remember hearing the people in the operating room let out an exclamation when Matty waved his hand out. They asked if I wanted to hold him. I thought he was too small to hold, but I put my palms out in front of me and Matty just fit curled up in my hands. He weighed only 3 lbs 10 oz. They needed to take him away to the NICU and asked if we had a name yet. We had not decided on a name, but I didn’t want him to be alone in that big hospital without a name, so I named him Matthew Loomis Mikelson on the spot. Laurie had wanted a name from the bible and I thought the name had a good rhythm to it. Matty had to be placed on a respirator shortly after birth but did not remain on it long. Matty was always a strong and healthy child. I was so happy to have a son because I thought it was likely we would share common interests and we did. 

Matty didn’t like to fall asleep at night so I started reading chapter books. I chose books I thought we would both like. We read Winnie the Pooh, the Wizard of Oz, the Chronicles of Narnia, The Hobbit, and the Lord of the Rings. By the time we finished the Lord of the Rings Matty had begun to read on his own and had developed a love for reading. Matty loved the Drizzt series and the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Matty would often make reference to the number 42 from Hitchhiker’s Guide. Matty loved Star Wars, Toy Story, Pokemon, Star Trek, James Bond, Harry Potter, Dr. Who, Monty Python, Game of Thrones, and My Little Pony. Matty developed a love for Japanese Anime and introduced me to everything from Hayao Miyazaki to Modoka Magica.

Matty was able to travel across the country with us from California to the Eastern Seaboard. While I attended conferences, Matty became Laurie’s companion as they traveled by public transportation and visited zoos and museums. In 2010 we went to Europe. Matty’s highlights from the trip were seeing Wicked in London, the fountains of Versaille, and buying a glass necklace in Venice. Matty wore that necklace every chance she got.

Matty had difficulty speaking and attended speech classes before kindergarten. Around the age of three Matty developed a stutter that would plague him his entire life. Matty often stated that he hated his stutter. When Matty was in high school we attended a Renaissance Festival and a pretty girl said to Matty, “You look like the type of person I would really get along with.” Matty tried to respond but the stutter kicked in and she couldn’t get a single word out. Matty hated that stutter. I think one of the reasons Matty loved online gaming was she could communicate more fluently by typing than by talking.

Matty loved multiplayer strategy games both tabletop and online, the more players and the bigger the board the better. Matty strategized for the long game figuring the longer the game lasted the better she would do. I would usually strategize for the short game figuring that if I could end the game sooner Matty would not beat me so badly.

When Matty was a freshman she made a D&D sign and brought it to the high school club recruitment event. Matty surprised us by recruiting a large group of students to join the club. Matty was always good at organizing social groups.

Matty surprised me again by liking pop music. I always liked classic rock but Matty liked all kinds of pop music. So we began listening to Michael Jackson and Katy Perry, Rihanna, and Madonna. Matty had a broad taste in music and loved everything from Bob Dylan and Bob Marley to Green Day and Daft Punk. Matty attended a few concerts including OK Go, Alice Cooper, and most recently Roger Waters of Pink Floyd.

Matty’s next big surprise for us was when the High School called and told us Matty identified as female. It was difficult for Laurie and me to accept. We thought it was a phase that Matty would get over. I thought it would be hard for Matty to find acceptance. It was Matty’s friends who finally convinced me to accept Matty the way she was. Matty found acceptance among her friends, through online gaming, through the pride organization at her college, and in the workplace. Matty was an outspoken advocate for LGBTQ+ rights.

Matty loved dancing. She first started dancing freestyle at her cousin Will’s wedding. After that, she started going to all of her high school dances. My wife and I were surprised when Matty told us she had gotten accepted for the HS talent show. When Matty came out and danced, the girls in the audience started screaming. There were fewer opportunities for dancing after HS but the university held a dance called the Fire Ball. They had a lip sync contest which Matty entered. I don’t think she did any lip-syncing, I think she just danced. When I went to pick her up she had won first prize and a big red sash.

Matty majored in accounting and finance at UW Eau Claire graduating with double comprehensive majors. Sometimes when Matty thought she was going to fail I would tell her that her superpower was perfect attendance. I told her, “They aren’t going to fail you if you attend every day and try hard.”

Friday, August 11, 2017

Matty was working as a janitor for the university and was just about to complete the last day of work. It was a fresh sunny morning and Matty left for work on her bike. The hill near our house had recently been resurfaced meaning they tore out the blacktop and left behind a surface full of rough gravel and chunks of blacktop fragments. As Matty was riding down the hill she became aware that her brakes had failed. As Matty sped down the hill toward the intersection she decided to ditch the bike on the torn-up road. Large quantities of flesh were stripped from her right palm, from her left elbow, and from her left knee while grit and gravel became embedded in her flesh. Her first thought was “I want to live!” She ran home and showed up at the front door covered in bloody wounds packed with gravel. Laurie took her to urgent care where they spent hours picking gravel out of her body. I think this was the only time Matty was seriously injured.  Matty’s wounds literally took years to heal completely. Eventually, they did scar over but Matty developed a fear of riding down that hill and was much more nervous when skiing down a big hill.

After graduation Matty had trouble finding a job, at first, there was the pandemic, and we preferred Matty didn’t work. Matty’s stutter made interviewing difficult. Matty noticed that United Cerebral Palsy had an opening for an accounting intern but also had a janitor position open. Matty applied for the accounting intern position but they decided to hire a high school student instead. So Matty applied for the janitor position. We always told Matty there was nothing wrong with janitor work, I had worked as a janitor myself. They called and offered Matty the janitor job. It was only a couple of hours per week. Within a short time the high school student quit so they offered Matty the accounting intern position. Eventually, they moved Matty up to a full-time position as billing coordinator. Matty continued to look for jobs and I once asked Matty why she was looking at a particular accounting job, Matty said “Well, they have a janitor position open too.” Matty had developed a strategy for getting jobs.

Matty had one final surprise for us. Matty had always been very healthy and very careful to take care of her health. We set up the Christmas tree early last year. Each ornament held a memory of our experiences, our travels, our family. I planned to retire in the spring and looked forward to spending more time with my family. Matty, Laurie, and I had been binging Christmas shows that year. Christmas eve eve Laurie and I decided to stay up and finish a Christmas series since we figured we would be spending Christmas Eve with Jackie and Megan. It felt cozy having us all home together. Matty was having a good time playing a game with online friends. Laurie and I went up to bed around 10:30 and Matty played until shortly after midnight then lay down on the couch. We know Matty watched a couple of Youtube videos from the computer history.

The next morning Laurie was making cookies while I was working on the computer and we decided to let Matty sleep in. At noon we were about to eat lunch and decided to wake Matty up for lunch. Laurie couldn’t get Matty to wake up. I went down and Matty was already cold. We called 911. The 911 operator told us to lay Matty on her back and begin CPR so I spread a blanket on the floor and lifted Matty, holding her one last time, I laid her on the floor but I knew it was too late.

The coroner was not able to determine a cause of death but there was no sign of disease, injury, toxic substance, obstructed airway, or blood clot. Matty just seemed to be sleeping peacefully on the couch. The suspected cause of death is cardiac arrhythmia.

Matty was 29 years old which is far too short a time to spend with such an excellent person. Matty was my best friend and I will miss her as long as I live. I will never stop telling her stories so that she may live on in my memory and yours.